Whizz!

As with the previous post, this one comes with a warning for those of a delicate nature to stop reading right now and find another more suitable blog (you might like to try a knitting blog, for example...).

Still here?  OK, don't say you weren't warned!

I am, as I may have mentioned, a bit of a gadget geek.  I browse shops and websites for little devices (or large) that come with a promise to enhance my life by making it easier, faster, more reliable and more exciting.  Gadgets come in many forms and price ranges, and, of course, their genuine usefulness.  I am very happy to report that I am still using my Fitbit after a year (although I am perhaps not quite as motivated to try and reach 10k steps every day as I was) whereas there are a number of articles that are either currently gathering dust because “I will use them one day – honest!” (the treadmill, the re-bounder, the George Forman grill, the breadmaker… I could go on…), or I have given up on them but can’t find anyone who wants them (the iJoy rider – don’t ask! – and the iSurf – clue’s in the name…).  Every now and again, something REALLY useful is invented that really does make life a bit easier, and, dear reader, I am here to tell you about my latest find.  

In my previous post, I covered the issues facing us ladies when we are out and about, far away from a comfortable and CLEAN place to, erm, go about our business.  Horror of horrors, you are going to have to use a COMMUNAL toilet - Aaaaaaaagggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Well, fear no more!  You can now purchase a little gadget that will put an end to your timid tinkling.  Made of rubber, it looks like a small funnel that you might use to decant liquids, or small granules, into bottles, although it is slightly more flexible. Placed in the correct position, we girlies can pee just like men!  Yes!  For many years, we women have been held back purely because we just don’t have what the boys have, but no more will this absent appendage cause us to feel inferior to men.  We can finally put an end to the indignities of having to squat inelegantly behind a bush, crossing our fingers that no-one spots us before we have done what we have to do and re-arranged our clothing to cover our dignity. 

So on to the test drive, which took place in Spain on our recent holiday.  One of the things we like to do when we go to Spain for our holidays, is go for a long walk down the beach to the village, have some lunch (and a few cervezas) then walk back to our apartment.  It is on the walk back that we all realise that we aren’t going to be able to make it back to the apartment without relieving ourselves of some of the cerveza (in our case) or lemonade (in DS's case).  Hubby and DS just stop where they are (out of season, they usually just do a joint performance into the sea!), and do what they have to do. At this time of year, we just walk along behind the sand dunes where it is pretty quiet.  Anyway, much to their amusement, I got out my new device and gave it a test run.  I was wearing shorts with a zip fly, and although I managed just about to move it into position, it didn’t feel quite stable enough for me to let it run, so to speak.  I tried putting it up the leg of the shorts and this gave me a little more confidence, so off I went!  I was delighted to see that it came out in an arc, the same as when my hubby and son do it, and it all went in the right direction!  Result! At this stage I should probably mention that I did actually try it out in the privacy of my bathroom before using it whilst out and about, running the risk of further discomfort and/or embarrassment caused by lack of control over the speed and direction of output.  A quick shake afterwards and I was done.  It dried immediately and is, apparently, quite hygienic (although I didn't fancy putting it back in my handbag until I'd given it a rinse in the sea).  

Well, I'm not sure it's going to totally change my life, but it might just occasionally make it a little less unpleasant.  Of course, I need to remember to have it with me when I am likely to be in a situation where I can use it, and if I am wearing long trousers (which I am 99% of the time), I will still need to take them down, which doesn't make it quite as easy to nip behind a tree.  I did actually buy the optional collecting bag, which you can use if there is no-where appropriate to go.  They give the example of being stuck in a traffic jam, but I am trying to picture the scene of using the device surreptitiously when you are stuck on the motorway.  That should give all the truck drivers a jolly good laugh!  There are probably some videos on YouTube already (not of me, I hasten to add!).
 

 Whizz website

Gotta go!

This is going to be one of those posts that makes me glad that I haven't gone too public with my blog.  It isn't the sort of post that I would wish my work colleagues to read as they probably won't look at me the same way again (well, they already look at me a little strangely, but I think that's down to some of my other habits....).  You have been warned!  If you are easily shocked, then I warn you to LEAVE THIS PAGE RIGHT NOW!!   

Are you still here?  OK then, I will continue... 

To set the scene (and build up the story), let’s imagine that you have gone out for the day with your family to a family fun event, which has lots of entertainment – singing, dancing, juggling, comedy, etc, and stalls where you can buy exciting clothes, jewellery or ornaments that look great on the Bohemian types wandering around the event, but look pretty silly once you get home.  There are stalls where you can get every kind of food from the usual burgers and hot dogs to falafel and oriental noodles.  Or maybe you came prepared with a lovely picnic, that you brought in the cool box, complete with a bottle of wine that you drink out of plastic cups, sitting on your chequered rug.  It’s a lovely sunny day (you might have to try very hard with the imagination here…), and the children are frolicking happily with other children, the birds are singing (you can’t actually hear them above the racket from the stage, but still…), strange looking people are smoking strange smelling roll-ups, and the flowers are blooming all around…  Ahhhh, bliss!  And then… and then… you know you have to… your attempts not to drink too much were fruitless…there is no way you’re going to last another 2 hours or so until you get home… oh NO!! You have to use the communal toilets!! Aaaaaaaaaaaagghhhhhh!!!!  This is, of course, assuming that you are a female – if you are of the male species – and I don’t think I have any of that variety following my blog – then you won’t know what the fuss is all about (unless your requirement is for a longer visit…).  Anyway, having finally realised that you have to give in to your body’s most inconvenient call to the convenience, you make haste in the direction of the dreaded toilets.   There they are ahead, a row of little plastic huts, looming most unattractively, like little tardes (is that the plural of tardis, I wonder?) across the skyline.  You may have some luck if there are separate toilets for men and ladies – no guarantees of course, but you may be spared the sprinkler effect around the seat, walls, floor, sink and ceiling.  You have no choice (well, there is one, but would be even worse to deal with unless you are wearing some super strength incontinence pants).  With a sinking heart you take a deep breath in (to try and avoid the need to do this inside the little shack), and venture in.  Need I go on?  Suffice to say, there is no way that you are going to allow your delicate little bottom to make contact with that disgusting structure in front of you, so, you perform a careful reverse manoeuvre so that your nether regions are hovering about 8 inches above the receptacle, and attempt to let it all out.  Isn’t it strange how, even though your body is desperate, it really doesn’t want to let it out when you are in this awkward position?   OK, eventually you get going, and use your super-human powers to control the direction so it doesn’t spray over your clothes or your feet.  Of course, there is no toilet paper or soap, so better hope that you are prepared with some tissues and sanitiser!   

 

This is a scene which most of us can relate to, so wouldn't it be great if someone found a way to enable us girls to pee like blokes???!!!! - without the rotating fountain effect, of course).  Well, some clever person has invented a little device that enables us to do just that!  I had heard of these devices, however what prompted me to buy one was an article in Good Housekeeping (yes, really!), comparing a number of different models.  A bit different from their usual offering of comparing food mixers and pressure cookers...  Anyway, being just a little bit of a gadget buff, I had to buy one, so selected the GH recommended model which is called "The Whizz".   

I think I've waffled on enough for now, so will save my story about the test drive for another day.  Bet your DESPERATE to hear about it...