Are you still here? OK then, I
will continue...
To set the scene (and build up the
story), let’s imagine that you have gone out for the day with your family to a
family fun event, which has lots of entertainment – singing, dancing, juggling,
comedy, etc, and stalls where you can buy exciting clothes, jewellery or
ornaments that look great on the Bohemian types wandering around the event, but
look pretty silly once you get home. There are stalls where you can get
every kind of food from the usual burgers and hot dogs to falafel and oriental
noodles. Or maybe you came prepared with a lovely picnic, that you
brought in the cool box, complete with a bottle of wine that you drink out of
plastic cups, sitting on your chequered rug. It’s a lovely sunny day (you
might have to try very hard with the imagination here…), and the children are
frolicking happily with other children, the birds are singing (you can’t
actually hear them above the racket from the stage, but still…), strange
looking people are smoking strange smelling roll-ups, and the flowers are
blooming all around… Ahhhh, bliss! And then… and then… you know you
have to… your attempts not to drink too much were fruitless…there is no way
you’re going to last another 2 hours or so until you get home… oh NO!! You have
to use the communal toilets!! Aaaaaaaaaaaagghhhhhh!!!! This is, of
course, assuming that you are a female – if you are of the male species – and I
don’t think I have any of that variety following my blog – then you won’t know
what the fuss is all about (unless your requirement is for a longer
visit…). Anyway, having finally realised that you have to give in to your
body’s most inconvenient call to the convenience, you make haste in the
direction of the dreaded toilets. There they are ahead, a row of
little plastic huts, looming most unattractively, like little tardes (is that
the plural of tardis, I wonder?) across the skyline. You may have some
luck if there are separate toilets for men and ladies – no guarantees of
course, but you may be spared the sprinkler effect around the seat, walls,
floor, sink and ceiling. You have no choice (well, there is one, but
would be even worse to deal with unless you are wearing some super strength
incontinence pants). With a sinking heart you take a deep breath in (to
try and avoid the need to do this inside the little shack), and venture
in. Need I go on? Suffice to say, there is no way that you are
going to allow your delicate little bottom to make contact with that disgusting
structure in front of you, so, you perform a careful reverse manoeuvre so that
your nether regions are hovering about 8 inches above the receptacle, and
attempt to let it all out. Isn’t it strange how, even though your body is
desperate, it really doesn’t want to let it out when you are in this awkward
position? OK, eventually you get going, and use your super-human powers
to control the direction so it doesn’t spray over your clothes or your
feet. Of course, there is no toilet paper or soap, so better hope that
you are prepared with some tissues and sanitiser!
This is a scene which most of us can
relate to, so wouldn't it be great if someone found a way to enable us girls to
pee like blokes???!!!! - without the rotating fountain effect, of course).
Well, some clever person has invented a little device that enables us to
do just that! I had heard of these devices, however what prompted me to
buy one was an article in Good Housekeeping (yes, really!), comparing a number
of different models. A bit different from their usual offering of
comparing food mixers and pressure cookers... Anyway, being just a little
bit of a gadget buff, I had to buy one, so selected the GH recommended model
which is called "The Whizz".
I think I've waffled on enough for
now, so will save my story about the test drive for another day. Bet your
DESPERATE to hear about it...
